Fearing The Unknown

Posted on October 18, 2010


Today is the moment of truth for me.  It will decide whether I continue on my journey of running my first half marathon or if it will be derailed indefinitely.  The tendonitis in my right ankle has definitely relinquished its stronghold and I actually feel as though I can run, although I have not attempted to do so in over a week.  It was not of my own choice, but that of my girlfriend and others who offered stern but caring advice, “Don’t Run!”  Supposedly I have to let it heal before I start back on my journey, but with less than a month to go before the half marathon I feel as though time is of the essence.

Picture yourself scared to run your first half marathon.  You are not sure you can push your body to limits that you have always felt were impossible.  Now imagine yourself five weeks into your training, not only have you pushed yourself further and faster than you had hoped, but you are no longer afraid.  Then, in the sixth week, after you have now made the commitment to run the half marathon faster that you first anticipated, you find out your body has become a bit perturbed with your training and wants to stop.  Your mind, on the other hand, wants to keep going and going and going.  That is what has happened to me and that is why today is so important.

I am completely unaware of how my body will respond.  The pessimistic side of me doesn’t expect much.  It assumes the pain will makes its presence known about five minutes into the run.  The optimistic side of me says I may feel better than I did two weeks ago and that the much needed rest will actually make me stronger than before.  But I almost don’t even want to feel optimistic.  If I realize I can’t run then the pain, apart from my ankle, will intensify. 

The marathon at one time seemed so far, but now I feel its presence looming.  It’s always like that isn’t it?  Things move quicker when they need to move slower and vice versa.  For now I need time to slow down and I need my recovery to speed up.  Today is the day I find out what will happen tomorrow.  When I run those first few steps I know I will be asking myself, “How do you feel?  Can you keep going?”